When you have an illness patient in your family..

Yesterday was the first day my mother started her radiation in Singapore. She was diagnosed anus cancer since 2012. We've been going back and forth between Guangzhou, Jakarta, and Singapore for 2,5 years. Two weeks ago, my mother got colostomy done around her stomach, and she's still adjusting. The doctor didn't remove her cancer since the risks were much way bigger and not worth it.

 

My mother is a very clean person and it's difficult for her to accept that she no longer able to pass the stool from behind. Well, i cannot blame her. Who would not lose their appetite when you see your feces everyday and bring the pouch attached to the stomach everywhere? 

Actually my mother's case was not a difficult one to handle at first. Surgery was the first option suggested by most doctors we visited, since it's still in early stage. But my mother listened too many people, became afraid and said she wouldn't feel complete as a human being. 

My friend who's working as a nurse, once told me that eventually my mother would still get the surgery done. It's only about how long the time she took. If the surgery done 2,5 years ago, the purpose was recovery and a lot of preventative measures could be done. But now, she had to get the surgery, otherwise the stool wouldn't come out and it will lead to another infection. The latter purpose was not for recovery, but to avoid further complications and reduce the pain.

Based on the last CT and MRI, the cancer around her vagina and anus is getting bigger. It's slowly closing her anus and vagina. I don't remember how much money and treatments we spent. Because my mother didn't want surgery, so at the first 2,5 years we spent more into chemotherapy, cryosurgery, photo dynamic therapy, radio ablation, etc. Another treatment going into another treatment and more money wasted. 

Yesterday's radiation was the first day. Today is the second day. The doctor is planning 14 times radiation for 14 days. If not enough, then maybe it will extend to 16 times. I often think if my mother did surgery since the beginning, will things better now? No money wasted so much, the cancer wouldn't get any bigger, well maybe not as bad as her current condition.

My mother always listens too much to many people and always hesitates with her own family because she thought we couldn't taking care of her properly. I'm lying if I said I'm not pissed off.  

 

It's just me, my father and my sister are families around her. And now, everyone is tired...